toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
