i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
