so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
