I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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