you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize