Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He passed out mid-signature
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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