did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
