Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
