this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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