i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Randomize
