I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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