how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
