i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
