Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
