Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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