remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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