Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
