In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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