You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
