My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
another moral hangover. fuck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
