Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
