Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
