All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
