I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
