Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
