he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize