I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dicks are not precious.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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