And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
