did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We have started to decorate penises.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
