I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Randomize
