we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
