Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
