Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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