I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
