imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
