You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize