I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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