I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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