You really coming over, don't trick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
