If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
not ubering you a puppy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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