At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
