Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
