It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
