Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
