Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
