Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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