Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
