First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
