we're chasing vodka with high fives
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
