You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
