Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
