cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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