Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
