he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
