Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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