Buhtt sex?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
