Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
pop tarts are not kleenex
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
