New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
