im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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