yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
