i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pooping to opera.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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