Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
