...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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