So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
