i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize