i jhust puked up my retainher.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
