True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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