just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
