Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
