actually, I'm a sock model
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
