3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
