i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
