at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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