my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
