I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
