I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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