I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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