You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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