Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
