dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
