You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize