i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
