No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
